Some Songs We Sing
and some we don't
Hash House Harriers
Tune: The Addams Family
Lyrics by: Jim "Whiff" Mpntgomery, Pittsburgh H3
Their drinking is compulsive and
Their running is convulsive
They're morally repulsive,
The Hash House Harriers
[(Da Da Da Da)(Snap fingers twice)Repeat]
Their flatulence is rude and
Their genitals protrude when
They're running in nude in
The Hash House Harriers
[(Da Da Da Da)(Snap fingers twice)Repeat]
They're always shiggy tracking,
From constantly bushwhacking
Intelligence they're lacking
The Hash House Harriers
[(Da Da Da Da)(Snap fingers twice)Repeat]
Switch to Da Da Da Da, Down Down, Da Da Da Da, Down Down for ceremonies
DFL's Prayer
Tune: Amazing Grace
Amazing Hash
How sweet the trail
That saved a DFL like me
I once was lost
But now I'm found
The On-On I now see!
Just two more blocks
And I'll be in
The beer is waiting for me
And when I'm there
I'll drink my Share
Til they get rid of me!
Mayor of Bayswater's Daughter
Tune: The Ash Grove
The mayor of Bayswater,
He has a lovely daughter,
And the hairs on her dick-di-do,
Hang down to her knees,
CHORUS:
And the hairs,
And the hairs,
And the hairs on her dicky-di-do,
Hang down to her knees,
One black one, one white one,
And one with a little shite on,
And one with little light on to show us the way
And some more verses:
If she were my daughter,
I'd cut them a little shorter,
Her cat's name was Boris,
And it played with her clitoris,
She went with a Hash House Harrier,
Who fucked her but wouldn't marry her,
You need a coal miner,
To find her vagina,
She went to the OBX waterfront,
Where the waves lapped up and down her cunt,
Her vagina was squishy,
And smelled a bit fishy,
Get It Up, Get It In
Tune: Bonanza Theme
By: Rose eh, Toronto HHH
Get it up, get it in, get it out
don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick,
move that tongue around
When the End of the Month Rolls Around
Tune: The Caissons Go Rolling Along (The Army Song/The Field Artillery Song)
You can tell by the stain that she's in a lot of pain
When the end of the month rolls around.
You can tell by her stance she's got cotton in her pants
When the end of the month rolls around.
CHORUS:
For it's hi, hi, hee, in the Kotex industry,
Shout out your sizes loud and strong:
Junior, Regular, Super-Duper, Bale of Hay!
For where e're we go you will always know
When the end of the month rolls around.
Dough, Ray, Me
Tune: Do, Re, Mi
Dough, the stuff, that buys me beer,
Ray, the guy who serves me beer,
Me, the guy, who drinks me beer,
Fa, a long way to the john,
So, I'll have another beer,
La, I'll have another beer,
Tea, no thanks I'll have a beer,
And that brings us back to,
Dough . . . (etc)
Dead Dog Rover
Tune: I'm Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover
I'm looking over,
My dead dog Rover,
That I over ran with the mower.
One leg is missing,
The other is gone,
The third leg is shredded,
All over the lawn.
There's no use explaining,
The one remaining,
It's spinning on the carport floor
I'm looking over,
My dead dog Rover,
That I over ran (HEY), that I over ran (HEY),
That I over ran with the mower!
Chapped Hide
Tune: Rawhide
Ballin', ballin', ballin',
That boy he keeps on callin',
His crabs, they keep on crawlin',
Chapped hide!
You thought he was the right one,
But he was a one-night stand one,
He's shootin' blanks with his gun,
Chapped hide!
Pick him up, take him home, ride him hard, make him moan!
Wake him up, saddle up, Send him home!
Chapped hide . . . Yee Haw!!
Come Sit on My Face if You Love Me
Tune: Red River Valley
Also known as" "Take It in the Hand, Mrs Murphy"
Oh, take it in the hand, Mrs Murphy,
It feels just like a rolling pin.
But if you roll it between your hands,
It'll take some time to be useful again.
Oh, take it in the mouth, Mrs Murphy,
It only weighs a quarter of a pound.
It's got hairs round its neck like a turkey,
And it spits when you shake it up and down.
Oh, take it between the breasts, Mrs Murphy,
And look it staight in its one eye.
It will lie at peace between your bosom,
Until finally milk-tears you cry.
Oh, place it between your legs, Mrs Murphy,
It is just aching to crawl inside.
It has a helmet on its head like a soldier,
And it will shoot all its ammo, then die.
Oh, but never touch (insert hasher's name), Mrs Murphy,
It seems his is covered with scabs.
His's has warts all over like a horny toad,
And is protected by an army of crabs.
Ball Game
Tune: Take Me Out to the Ball Game
Whip it out at the ball game
Wave it round at the crowd
Dip it peanuts and crackerjack
I don't care if you give it a whack
Because it's
Beat your meat at the ball game
If you don't cum it's a shame
It's one, two
And you're covered in goo
At the old ball game
Why Was He Born so Beautiful?
Tune: Why Was (S)he Born So Beautiful?
Why was he born so beautiful?
Why was he born at all?
He's no fucking use to anyone,
He's no fucking use at all.
He may be a joy to his mother
But he's a pain in the asshole to me.
Drink it down, down, down, down
- OR -
He ought to be thoroughly pissed on,
He ought to be publicly shot,
He ought to be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot.
Drink it down, down, down, down
Chicago (Version 1)
Tune: The Bear Went Over the Mountain
CHORUS:
I used to work in Chicago, in an old department store.
I used to work in Chicago, but I don't work there anymore.
A woman came in for a computer (a computer from the store)
A computer she wanted; my Wang she got, and I don't work there anymore.
A man came in for a telephone (a telephone from the store)
A.T.T. he wanted; T.I.T. he got (visual aids help), and I don't work there...
AND: a woman came in for a:
doughnut - glazed she wanted. cream filled she got
elevator - my shaft
carpet - laid
spring - BOINGed
screwdriver - screwed
hammer - nailed
T-bone - my boneless round
carpet - pile she wanted, shagged she got
gun - banged
nylons - hosed
floppy disk - my hard drive
metaphysical conversation - fucked
velvet - felt
liquor - lick her I did
bolts - my nuts
sailors - semen
ham - porked
cigarette - camel, humped
plastic - rubbers
plumbing - my pipe
pipe - hosed
stockings - hosing
liquid Plumber -pipes cleaned
canned ham - porked
gift wrapping - packed butter - spread
seafood - lobster , crabs
beer - 6-pack, ate
fabric - silk, felt
ALSO: a man came in for a:
balloon - blown
doughnut - my hole
lollipop - sucked
horse - ridden
carpet - shag he wanted, piles he got
wheels - rimmed
beer - Bush (w/visual aids)
Do Your Tits Hang Low?
Tune: Sailor's Hornpipe
By: Twin Peaks & She Mussel Bitch, Austin HHH
Do your tits hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder?
Do you need a boulder holder?
Do your tits hang low?
Do Your Balls Hang Low?
Tune: Sailor's Hornpipe
Do your balls hang low?
Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
*Can you throw 'em o'er your shoulder,
*Like a Continental soldier?
Can you do the double shuffle,
When your balls hang low? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eat Worms
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
Going to the garden, eat worms
Big ones little ones, ushy gooshy gooshy ones
Worms that like to squirm.
Bite their heads off, suck their juice out
Throw their skins away.
You'd be surprised how many little worms
You can eat three times a day
Every Sperm is Sacred
From: Monty Python
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Let the heathen spill theirs,
On the dusty ground,
God shall make them pay for,
Each sperm that can't be found.
Hash Pledge of Alliegance
Tune: Recited
By: SS Minnow, Buffalo HHH
I pledge allegiance, to the flag,
of the OBX hash house harriers.
And to the debauchery, for which it stands, one hash,
without rules, incorrigible, with shiggy, and beer, for all.
Hash Prayer
Tune: Recited
Our lager, which art in barrels, hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, at home as in the pub
Give us this day our frothy head,
And forgive us our spillage
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not into incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the Bitter, and the Lager and the Ale
Forever and ever;
bArMEN.
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